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I figured I'd put this out there so Ed can see your view points on this. (Maybe I'll learn a bit too?) Ed asks me for sex sometimes and I'm A-Sexual. (Meaning I don't desire sex.) He can't accepts that and acts like I'm rejecting him and then tries to blame me and make me out to be selfish for not letting him have sex with me. Its my body and I don't want to be uncomfortable.
I tried letting him have some things like massaging me so he can feel happy that he gets to touch me and I enjoy the massage, but apparently its no longer good enough. I also tried having him have sex with other people instead of hounding me for sex, but no, his attachment to me is too strong. I keep telling him that he might want to meditate and realize that I'm not the only person he can have sex with, but he doesn't feel like it. He'd rather hound me for it and get on my case about it when I say no.
I know that if this keeps up, I'm going to walk out on him. I'm not going to sit around wallowing in his depression and drunkenness while he siphons all of my energy out of me to replenish the energy he lost from poisoning his self with alcohol. He drinks, he says, because he's insecure. It shows and I'm not sticking around to be hounded for sex either. His energy is bringing me down and its hurting me. He said he'd stop drinking for at least a week starting today, so let's see what happens with this.
Keywords: ed, energy, drain, boyfriend, alcohol, drinking, sex, asexual |
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Author: iini
Posted on: 11/26/2012 at 02:07 pm
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Well he is a Guy lol. But its cool he doesn't want anyone but you and its said somewhere sex brings people together in relationships. I guess what you can do is try to find out maybe why he wants the sex? And try to do something that will produce the same feeling but sex won't be involved. Like if he wants sex to feel super close like watch a movie or something. Or something that would trigger closeness |
Author: Ben
Posted on: 11/27/2012 at 10:35 am
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I agrees with lini... But it's your body, we can't really force you to do this and that...but sometimes activities like this brings a couple closer? And it can't be help if he's around you, I read somewhere the natural scent of women is to attract her man to feel aroused and vice versa too...perhaps both of you need to start "inhaling" some man scent of his...let's start with a cuddle, shall we? ("we" meant you and Ed) |
Author: Voff Uggla
Posted on: 11/27/2012 at 06:47 pm
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Hi Na'ven, I have a friend I've known for 7 years, he's a heavy drinker, he's an alcoholist. A few years ago he decided to quit, he went through several "help programs" and was sober for a year. That's what he told me, I didn't hang out with him during this time, I cut him out of my life after have known him for after 6 months, I didn't feel good being around him, so I closed my doors.
He came back into my life 2011 and we began to hang out again once in awhile. Then in January this year he became homeless and I told him he could stay in my flat, I have an extra room I don't use. Big misstake, yes I know alcoholism is a sickness but it's just not the drinking, it's all the lies, manipulations, broken promises, etc. He totally drained my energy and I felt unsafe in my own home, so one night I finally got enough, (after 5 months). He had brought a drinking pal with him, while I slept in my room, which was a "rule" he broke for the third time. I became furious, got out of bed, went to his room and basically pushed him and his friend out of my flat, shouting and cursing on the top of my lungs at him, 2 am in the morning. Now he's out of my life forever.
Alcohol is the main "love" for an alcoholist, they will come up with any excuse, to why they have to drink. They lie to others as well to themselves, experts at manipulation, they promise this and that, but always break the promises. As I wrote earlier, yes it is a sickness, but it drains all the energy from the people aorund them totally, and it's easy to become co-dependent. They are still responsable, they make their choices as well as I make mine. I'm lucky, I'm a grown mature woman, I made the choice to throw him out of my flat and my life.
This is my experience about living with an alcoholist. We were only friends, I guess it's more difficult when you're lovers.
Be well Na'ven, lot's of love to you. |
Author: Voff Uggla
Posted on: 11/27/2012 at 08:22 pm
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By the way, I'm A-Sexual as well. I don't have a partner atm, but if I did and he/she didn't respect that, then out of my life.
As I see it, he's not respecting you and is trying to manipulate you. I presume that he knew you had no sexual desire before you got into your relationship. I belive as you wrote, that he says he feels insecure, there are many insecure, both men and women out there. And often they take it out on the people close to them. Example; He knows you don't want sex, but thinks/hopes HE can change you, as a result of that, he thinks he would feel less insecure.
Not true, he have to work on his insecurities from within, and if sex is so important to him, why did he chose you as his partner? Being A-Sexual means that you have no sexual desire for ANYONE, it has nothing to do with him. I mean I don't even masturbate, the sexual energy is just not present. But I love hugging and cuddling, physical touching, like massage.
You two need to sit down and communicate, this way you're going, will just drain the energy out of both of you. |
Author: Magali
Posted on: 11/30/2012 at 06:25 am
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Dear Na'ven,
Or you are A-Sexual as Voff Uggla is and Ed knew that from the beginning and agreed with it.
Or you can't have sex with a depressed and alcoholic man even if you like him.
Voff Uggla explained the problem with alcoholism and it is dangerous for the you.
Ed has to cure himself for him, for you and for his children.
Kindest regards |
Author: Ray
Posted on: 12/09/2012 at 03:59 am
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hello first let me say that i am a 45 yr old man and i will(if i may)be frank so lets start. good news you are not alone many others feel as you do that is if you don't have a medical problem your estrogen levels could be of you may have done the change and not know about it or your man does nothing for you!. you must ask yourself a few questions the last time you did have sex did you reach climax was it alone or with a partner when you last did climax was it good? some persons are of little passion but that does not mean you cannot enjoy bringing your partner pleasure or maybe you may need more foreplay or alcohol. might i suggest tequila but wine will do i am not saying get trashed just stoke the fire also sex is addictive i suggest at least 3 times a week alone or otherwise tickle Suzie's nose get some nice toys but if you take any advice from me please let it be this go see your gyn and tell em what is going on get yourself tested and if your face is any suggestion of what your body looks like i dont blame dude if i was ed and ed was a chihuahua he would be humping your ankle
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Author: Emer
Posted on: 12/15/2012 at 04:48 am
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Ed, if she says she is A-sexual, you need to RESPECT her decision. You are effectively harassing her. If you truely love her, why are you doing this, just to staisfy your-self? Do you not think that you care more about your own needs than about her????? She is hurting. Does this bother you? YOU are making her hurt. YOU. So, do you LOVE her? Because if you do, you need to be more tolerent and respectful. You could lose her forever otherwise. You say you are insecure. Why? Do you not have a great friend Na'ven to help you through life? I don't understand you really. |
Author: Atheist
Posted on: 12/31/2012 at 08:47 am
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You should be happy and glad that he wants to have sex with you, that he finds you attractive (enough to want to have sex with you!); not push him away.
However, if he knew you were "asexual" when you two got together, then he made a mistake of getting with you. It's his biological desire to want have sex with his partner. It's the reason we have penises and vaginas. It's natural. It's normal. It's hard-wired into our brains (well, 99.99% of us anyway). It's useful for procreation, bonding, an expression of love, etc. Not having a desire for sexual activity indicates that there's something wrong.
If Ed can handle a lifetime of lonely solo masturbation, then he's in for one lonely, depressing, pathetic (non-)sex-life, and a lifetime of a probable feeling of resentment towards you, as he may feel as if he's not good enough, not good-looking enough, not interesting, doesn't turn you on, that you might not really like him, that you may not want him in that way (which, you don't! ha!), etc. Resentment can turn into falling out of love, cheating, alcoholism, etc.
It may help his drinking problem, too. You two have a very difficult and rough road ahead of you. |
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I'm hoping to get some feedback on this as to what you feel I should do. I'm living with my boyfriend, Ed, and his daughter Brianna treats me like garbage. I tried being nice to her, but she's still mean to me. So that I could have some alone time and also work my job, I installed an electronic lock on our bedroom door. I work from home making Isochronic tones and posting them on YouTube. That's where most of my income comes from and it takes quite a while to make those videos.
Aside from YouTube videos, I'm a programmer and a robotics inventor. My scientific studies and implementation also take up a lot of my time and I want to create NetBeer as an open source firmware to open up all the things on lock down on CG3000D modems so that people can benefit from this new technology. (A LOT of people want new firmware for it as its a popular modem.)
On top of that, I want to design an open source AI person and show people how to design their own AI person. I'm still in the beginning stages of creating that and I'm working on getting more tools, but I have most of them. It will consume a lot of time as well.
In my life, I have a LOT of projects that take quite a lot of concentration and time to complete and I need time to do them. In that, Melia is 8 years old and sometimes I need to help her out as well. Ed wants to spend time with me too.
So, here's my problem. As I don't have a lot of time for my own projects if I work on them for only 4 hours a day and give all my time to Ed and Melia, I can't finish my projects. Ed complains liberally about my not spending time with anyone very much. My focus is on my work as that's my passion in life.
Ed takes MANY things personally and is a bad judge of character much of the time in my opinion and I find myself being told that I'm selfish when he doesn't realize that we just have opposing viewpoints. We both can see each other as being selfish when we examine it from our own viewpoints sometimes.
Today I helped make burritos with him in the kitchen and when I finished doing the part that I was able to help out with, I asked him if he wanted me to stay there with him while he fried up the burritos. He told me no, so I decided to work a bit on my projects and asked him to get me when they were done.
Later, when I came down, I was greeted with an argument from not coming down every once in a while to check up on him. I didn't know that he wanted me to, especially with him stating that I didn't need to stick around. I tried to get him to understand that I had no idea that he wanted me to do that and he told me that its part of being human.
He's had me forgo much of my needs for his needs and complains that I'm selfish when I don't give in, but that when I try to have him compromise, or ask him to respect my needs, that's also selfish.
For instance, I told him that I would schedule work hours so that I would have designated times I can get things done, and then have family time after that, but that wasn't good enough for him. He stated that if Melia is needing something at 4PM, but my work hours are until 5PM, then he wants me to handle it. I said that if its an emergency, then I would. I brought up the fact that before I lived here, he was at work until 5PM. (Granted he was a heavy drinker and spent most of his time at the bar instead of at home, which is no different than my spending time in a locked up room in terms of not spending time with people.) I asked him what would happen if I wasn't here at 5PM, what would he do. He said she would call him.
So, in other words, because I'm at home, its convenient for him to dump all the duties onto me instead of giving me office hours. Heck, I even told him that I'd take the weekends off. That means that I'd work 5 -7 hours a day. (10AM or 12AM - 5PM) I'd be working about 35 hours a week max and that's less than his full time job. He won't accept it. He still maintains that I'm being selfish for not spending my time with the family. I'd be spending more time with the family than I'd be spending at work. (5PM - 12PM M-F and all day on the weekends.)
He demands things of me and yet says he's not trying to control me. He allows Brianna to act like the parent of Melia and Milan and even sometimes boss him around, but maintains that she doesn't control anyone. He said I came into this house and tried to act like the queen of it all, but I said that Brianna does that and he disagreed. Then he turns around and says that before I came in, he was the king and Brianna was the queen. (Mind you, every time he'd contradict his self, I'd call him out on it, but he maintained that he was right with whatever seemed the best end of the contradiction at the time.)
I'm sick of talking in loops with him and he refuses to see anything from my perspective. I want to know what you think of this. As Ed reads this blog too, I'm hoping he'll write his side of the story in a comment or an email that I can update this post with. Maybe 3rd party input will help fix the situation.
Keywords: family, ed, troubles, work |
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Author: don
Posted on: 11/10/2012 at 11:05 pm
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Try cutting your sleep back to 5-6 hours a night, waking up very early say 4-5am. and doing all your work before anyone wakes up.
theres several ways to sleep hack , For me delta wave music and a melatonin pill work wonders. while sleeping grounded. |
Author: Michelle
Posted on: 11/11/2012 at 12:01 am
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I just want to start by saying I love your work and appreciate everything you do to share your special insights with people. I feel unqualified to give you advice as I have choosen at this time to forgo a relationship with anyone to do my own work. I feel for me its one or the other at this moment in time. The one thought I had is bringing the family into your work --using the audios to change some of the dynamics in the house and perhaps give the children small projects to learn about the amazing technologies you are building... |
Author: M.
Posted on: 11/11/2012 at 03:25 pm
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You are a very generous woman, trying to help people to cure themselves for free. Thank you for that.
I hope that Ed will be a bit more comprehensive with you, as Brianna should be.
All the best for you, M.
(English is not my first language so I hope you will understand my sentences) |
Author: Andreas
Posted on: 11/12/2012 at 08:29 am
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Hi there,
How about moving your work place out of the house, renting a space? Like this when you are at work you will not have any distractions, and when at home you will be able to respond to certain family/home matters.. Try to make use of the triple division of a 24hours day-8 hours work-8 hours recreation/home stuff-8 hours sleep.
I know it is easier said than done :)
All the best!!! |
Author: Peter
Posted on: 11/12/2012 at 11:13 am
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Hi,
I am sorry to hear that you have family trouble. The work that you do is very important and it is obviously a very big part of you.I think your partner should give you more space to do your work,because it is part of what makes you who you are. |
Author: Ed
Posted on: 11/12/2012 at 11:48 am
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I support, encourage, assist and love your work. I will work on better communicating with you. My difficulty is that I do want more of your time. But understand also that you have focus on the many projects that you work on. I would like us to find the right balance of work and home life. I love being with you. You bring so much meaning and purpose to our lives. I am so grateful for having you in my life. We can work through this like we have the other problems we have faced. Let's work on solving this one to. |
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Hey, I just wanted to update my blog to let everyone know that I moved in with my boyfriend and I'm now an unofficial mom. So, most of my time is spent with the family and I was wanting a family like this for a good many years and now I get to experience it.  I still plan on being active on here, but there might be a longer delay in my responses.
This is a time for miracles/dreams coming true, and as we get closer to the jump date, more intense happenings will occur. Enjoy the last bits in 3D everyone!
Keywords: life, mom, kids, boyfriend, love, manifestation |
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Author: Harmony Barry
Posted on: 08/15/2012 at 02:47 pm
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Hello Na'ven Enigma, My name is Harmony and first off I would like to offer my congratulations on being a mom! What a beautiful thing. I think you might be busy because being a new mom tends to do that! I hope that you are well and am not sure if you'll have the time to help...or perhaps could put me in touch with someone who could help. Our dog was recently diagnosed with Leishmania Infantum. You have a binaural beat for Leishmania Mexicana and haven't been able to find anything for her type of Leishmania. Even so, I'm not sure if she would be helped by just laying on the floor in the same room while I play the track! Do they make headphones for dogs? Haha! Thank you for your time Na'ven xoxo |
Author: lucyofthehealers
Posted on: 08/15/2012 at 04:12 pm
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Wow, this is great news! I'm so happy for you! Congratulations! I wish you so much love and happiness with your new family!
Aloha! |
Author: Aleatra Lenahan
Posted on: 08/16/2012 at 03:07 pm
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Greetings Sister Na'ven,
I love your You tube Channel, I have a blog for the arts and entertainment world, http://aleatra-ic.blogspot.com/ please stop by and read a little when you can. Thank you for you wonderful work, I appreciate you. |
Author: S.C
Posted on: 08/20/2012 at 01:56 pm
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Glad to hear everything is going well. We all understand. |
Author: phillip
Posted on: 08/20/2012 at 02:33 pm
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Hi I wondering if you have something for being brave and also for memory |
Author: El
Posted on: 09/02/2012 at 04:04 pm
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It is wonderful you are realizing your dream of having a family. When you rise we all rise. I contacted you regarding tones for depression and etc. I a pleased to say that you agreed to help me. Unfortunately I can't locate your email address.
I noticed we both live in the Cleveland area. Enjoy this warm and sunny weekend we are blessed with :) |
Author: iini
Posted on: 11/07/2012 at 11:55 pm
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Aww that's awesome. Hope it works out for you =] |
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I came back early as there was drama in camp Die Fledermaus. There was a misunderstanding and the two admins, Sam and Kat, said that only members (People who camp there for 2 years) can invite new campers. I took it as that I couldn't invite someone to camp there for the full 2 weeks and have them paying dues and doing stuff like the rest of the campers do. So, I figured having someone stay a couple nights wouldn't be an issue.
When they heard that I had a friend coming to stay for a few nights, they started to make it look like it was all my fault. I let them know that I told my friend that the camp was low on funding and that he could help with that and that apparently wasn't good enough, so they started trying to use the situation to their advantage and turn my friend into their personal slave.
I don't deal with people like that and I plan on starting my own camp next year with some friends and we'll always operate from the heart. So, I left Pennsic early. They said it was a drama free camp, but apparently it was just mostly drama free. Everyone there is really nice, but when there's a misunderstanding and drama ensues, be careful if you're thinking about joining that camp. I think they meant well, but they slipped up and started using the situation to their advantage. So, this is just a word of caution on my experience, but for the most part I enjoyed my stay at their camp and people were friendly save for this.
Keywords: pennsic, die fledermaus, sam, kat, drama |
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Author: Margo Simmons
Posted on: 08/05/2012 at 12:26 pm
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We can always learn from situations like that-just think of what lesson was learn? and always be mindful that grudges are not held. Anger is a very healthy emotion when it is processed correctly but some how offenses can sneak in our hearts- if we are not examining ourselves and truly letting go from the core- daily but I believe you to be on top of it. Those are mostly my issues and I'm not opposing them upon you-I just looking out.
.... and by the way I have been using your binary beats for my hair
I don't know the results as of yet but I believe that it's working and I have always wanted to change the color of my eyes without harm and strength my vocals-if you come across any beats that can help with that please post?
Thank you for your giving spirit-You are AWESOME!!!!!
margo |
Author: Na'ven (Officer of the Love)
Posted on: 08/05/2012 at 10:44 pm
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I never hold any grudges and I realize that I manifested that happening. |
Author: lucyofthehealers
Posted on: 08/06/2012 at 07:54 am
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I'm so sorry for what happened. I agree with you. I don't want to deal with people who someone for their own advantage either (as is my sister). |
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I had one lucid dream in my life and I seized the moment to run into a wall to see what happens when you get hurt in a dream. lol I found out you wake up. I didn't want to wind up waking up when I was sifting through what all I wanted to test. That's the one that came to mind when I started thinking of one. I also wanted to try running around naked through the world since I'd be able to be free and not forced to wear clothing in there and it would be as close to the waking state as I could get it for now. I also wanted to see if I could fly, but I forgot that as well. I did take note that I was in a school building and at one point I was outside of the school watching people walk into it. It probably was the same school as the one in the waking and those kids were probably really walking into school as it was while I was sleeping and I usually wake around 11AM-2PM. One girl noticed me the way you notice a spirit. She looked directly at me and then turned back and kept walking, but never said anything to me. She knew I was there. So, it probably was a lucid dream with a bit of AP in it.
There were two times I know I was astral projecting in my life aside from that one. I've never been able to induce astral projection or lucid dreams, but I've tried. I saw the dark version of the astral planes first, but I wasn't awakened spiritually, yet, so I didn't know what it was, but I researched it. I saw a dark one sitting in a rocking chair (That chair was in my bedroom and had a negative feeling to it, so I eventually gave it to my parents who aren't sensitive to energy.) rocking and the room was like the darkness was shining in. It was like what happens when you have a silhouette because the sun is barely set. However instead of an orange glow, it was a blackish colour. I was laying on the couch sleeping and my mom walked through the door astrally and said, "Don't worry sweetie, mom is here." Then she laid down behind me and put her arm around me. I came out of the sleep paralysis/AP and realized it wasn't the waking. I was getting more relaxed and I looked next to my head and I saw a hand. I was startled as in the AP it was my mom's hand. After a second I realized it was my hand and calmed down again, but when I grabbed it, I couldn't feel it and I shot up. The hand came with me as it was mine, so I felt my hand it had fallen asleep. It eventually got the pins and needles feeling again since the blood started coming into it again.
The other AP was a happier environment and I saw a girl (A healthier version of me?) walk across my living room and I thought she looked hot. She walked through the balcony door and kept going. I looked to see where she went, but she wasn't anywhere to be seen, so I figured she must have teleported or shifted away as most spirits do. You change frequencies and people in 3D can't see you and other frequencies in 4D probably can't see you either.
Keywords: lucid dream, astral projection, ap, obe, out of body experience, dark one |
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